SOME ASS-KICKING TRICKS FOR THE HOLIDAY WHERE JUDO-CHRISTIANS AND PAGANS ALL FLIP THEIR SHIT OVER WHO THE FUCK IT BELONGS TO!
AND THEN EVERYONE ELSE IS LIKE ‘HOLY FUCK, CALM DOWN GUYS AND SHOVE SOME CHOCOLATE IN YOUR MOUTH HOLE!’
DON’T EVEN START WITH ME.
SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LETS DYE THE FUCK OUT OF SOME EGGS!
SET UP A DRYING RACK BEFORE YOU START
USING PINS OR VERY SMALL NAILS, AND SOME THICK FOAM BOARD, YOU CAN MAKE A BAD-ASS EGG-DRYING RACK. THIS WAY, YOU WON’T HAVE TO USE THE CARTON AND GET BLOBBY STAINS AND SHIT ALL OVER YOUR CREATIONS!
USE STICKERS TO MAKE COOL PATTERNS
FUCK THIS SHOULD BE SELF-EXPLAINITORY! BEFORE YOU DIP THOSE SMOOTH ASSHOLES INTO THE DYE, SLAP SOME STICKERS ON THEIR ASS. TAKE THE STICKERS OFF AFTER ALL THAT SHIT DRIES.
USE A WHITE CRAYON TO DRAW YOUR OWN DESIGNS
CREATIVE ASSHOLES CAN DRAW OR WRITE SWEET-ASS THINGS ON THE SHELL BEFORE DIPPING THEM INTO THE DYE. THE WAX WILL REPEL THE WATER/DYE AND MAKE YOUR DRAWINGS STAND OUT LIKE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES THAT ARE SIMPLY TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD.
WANT TO SERVE GUESTS EGGS WITHOUT FORCING THEM TO CRACK OPEN THEIR OWN SHIT?
DYE THE ACTUAL EGGS!
CRACK THE SHELL, AND SQUEEZE THE EGG OR ROLL IT ON THE COUNTER TO CRACK THE SHELL FURTHER. CRUNCH CRUNCH MOTHERFUCKERS!
NOW DIP THE EGG IN THE DYE AND LET IT DRY ON THE STAND. WHEN YOU PEEL IT BEFORE YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE, YOU SHOULD HAVE SWEET-ASS CRACKLE DESIGNS ON THE ACTUAL DELICIOUS BITS.
DONT FUCKING DROP YOUR EGGS INTO THE DYE!
LOWER THEM GENTLY WITH TONGS OR A WIRE HOLDER OR SOME SHIT! THEY’RE DELICATE ASSHOLES AND NEED TO BE SHOWN RESPECT!
OH, AND THE SWEET DESIGNS THAT YOU SEE IN THE TOP IMAGE? THAT’S CALLED ‘MARBELING’
YOU DYE YOUR EGG LIKE NORMAL, DIP IT VERY BRIEFLY INTO SOME DYE, LET IT DRY. DABBING IT WITH CRUMPLED PAPER TOWEL WILL MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING ANGELIC DESIGNS..
WITH 1 CUP OF WATER/DYE, ADD 1 TEASPOON OF OLIVE OIL.
LOWER THE EGG INTO THE MIX, THEN PULL IT OUT AFTER A FEW FUCKING SECONDS AND SET IT ON YOUR RACK OF PAIN! LET THE EGG SUFFER OVERNIGHT AND THE DYE WILL BECOME A RICHER COLOR.
LAUGH AT THE FACES OF YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY ARE AMAZED AT YOUR EGG-DYING SKILLS!
REJOICE AND STUFF YOUR FACE!
Hello there, Ladies! It’s giveaway time!
I’m of the opinion that all women should be free to have orgasms, so I’m conducting a giveaway for just that purpose! Ten lucky people will receive a Turbo Glider Waterproof Vibrator and one lucky person will receive a Gold Bullet Vibrator. All eleven vibes are new in package and have not been opened.
How do I win? What are the rules?
- Reblogthis post once. Multiple reblogs will result in disqualification.
- You don’t need to follow me in order to qualify.
- Have your ask box open on Friday, April 12th so I can contact you and get your address.
- I will ship internationally.
- Because of the nature of this giveaway, please be 18 or over.
Giveaway ends at 11:59 pm PST on Thursday, April 11, 2013.
Winners will be selected Friday, April 12, 2013 using a random number generator. Winners will be contacted via ask box April 12th. Please respond quickly when contacted so I can mail the vibrators out as soon as possible.
And if you want a bit more information on the vibrators…
Interviewer: You’re 40 aren’t you? [x]
Can martin just get his own show where he is angry all the time
Can Benedict get one where he just reads things? I’d watch that shit.
Martin and Benedict’s angry reading time. Coming soon to a tumblr near you.
And Andrew Scott will have his own segment where he reads fairy tales and ovaries explode.
isn’t it beautiful when you join a new fandom and you’re so confused and it’s so hard to remember the names and then out of nowhere you know everything about everyone you can even tell what they ate for breakfast on 25th october five years ago and you have no idea when this all exactly happened and you just cry because you’re so emotionally involved and you don’t know what to do with your life